


Cold Comfort

by saltedpin



Category: Dissidia: Final Fantasy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-18
Updated: 2011-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-26 05:49:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/279426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltedpin/pseuds/saltedpin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not everything is simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a sequel to [Lacuna](http://archiveofourown.org/works/272075), but I think you can have one without the other. Either way, they are both part of the 'Kain Highwind festival of ANGST' that I seem to be stuck on writing at the moment XD
> 
> Thank you to Apathy for the beta, and to Toffee and Railenthe for the suggestion.

It had been too long.

For three weeks - Kain guessed, time was hard to judge here - he had been away from Order's Sanctuary, with precious little to show for it. He had departed alone - he would usually travel with the Warrior of Light, but Cosmos was getting weaker by the day, and seemed almost to be fading away into nothing.

 _My place is here,_ the Warrior had told him, and Kain had said he understood.

He had brought down two enemies and hounded another until she had escaped him back into the Land of Discord - he was loath to give up the chase, but knew that on the few rations he had left it would be supremely unwise. In earlier times, perhaps he would have followed her.

It had taken Kain four days to walk back to Order's Sanctuary. He was the first one to return - with so few of them left now, they had begun staggering their patrols to cover as much ground as possible, travelling in twos or threes where it was manageable. With Cosmos in her current state, the Warrior of Light stayed behind more often than ventured out now, and Kain had found him becoming more and more withdrawn, the man he had been when Kain first met him - not even a man, but a shallow facsimile of one, without feeling and without need.

During those weeks, Kain had felt his own scrabbling, clawing need rise within him more times than he could count - it was not simply some libidinous call of desire, he knew, but something else, a crack that ran so deep within him that filling it seemed to be as futile as trying to fill an empty well. He did not know what to call what he had been doing with the Warrior - it had always remained a tacit understanding rather than anything more explicit - but the fact remained that the only moments of peace that Kain had known since he had come to this world were when he had been buried deep inside the Warrior's body, his own descending heartbeat ringing in his ears, and his nerves alight from the force of the climax that had run through him.

But in these last few weeks, as grasping as Kain's need was, the Warrior of Light's surface was as hard and smooth as a diamond, and whatever hold Kain had previously had on him seemed to have been cut away, leaving nothing behind. Leaving to go on patrol was almost a relief - Kain could no longer stand the blank looks, as if the Warrior had completely forgotten what they had become to each other, whatever that may be, and even the fact that it had been he that had initiated it.

"You've returned." Kain's back stiffened at the sound of the Warrior of Light's voice behind him. He had headed straight to the armoury to wash and sharpen his lance before placing it carefully away, and had hoped that he might be able to seek the Warrior out in his own time. _No such luck,_ he thought bitterly, and he wondered if it had been Cosmos who had told the Warrior that he was back and where to find him.

Kain turned to face him. "As I always shall," he said in an exaggeratedly polite tone, bowing slightly at the waist.

A look of mild consternation crossed the Warrior's face, before being replaced with the blank expression Kain was so familiar with.

"I trust your mission was successful?"

Kain inclined his head. "I am sorry to report I eliminated only two of my three targets," he said, "but the third has gone to ground in the Land of Discord. She'll not trouble us again for some time."

"Good. You have my thanks." The Warrior of Light paused and lowered his eyes, and there passed an awkward silence, in which Kain could almost see the waves of tension radiating from the Warrior's body. Kain waited for him to say something, unwilling to break first and admit that he had missed him. While he had been away there had been so many nights that had been so deep he thought that he might drown in them, and the only thing that had kept him afloat was the idea that when he returned...

"I must go," the Warrior of Light eventually said, turning away.

"Wait," said Kain, moving towards him, catching the crook of his elbow, his resolve suddenly loosening, capitulating to the ache in his chest. "It's been weeks. At least allow me - "

Kain leaned towards him, raising a hand to slide it behind his head. For a moment, he thought he saw the Warrior's eyes flicker, and felt his stance begin to soften to give in to Kain's kiss. Then he stiffened once more, pulling back, moving out of range, both physically and mentally.

"I don't have time for this," the Warrior of Light said, beginning to turn away. "Cosmos needs me."

Kain's face twisted in a snarl. He had never denied that he was anything other than worthy of the hatred that should have been spent on him, and yet those that should have hated him the most had forgiven him time and time again. He had always known that eventually others would realise that he did not deserve their forgiveness, much less their friendship - they would realise what kind of a man he was, and then everything would come to an end.

He bitterly remembered other friends who had chosen others over him, and, when it had come to it, how seemingly easy the decision had been. So this would again be the culmination of a friendship - deep anger flared through him. More than that, he felt the sharp twist of betrayal that again he had been a fool to place his trust, his heart, in someone who would turn away from him. Again he had been called, and again he had been found wanting. He realised that in a way, Golbez - the Golbez he had imagined - was correct, that this truly was a weakness, to imagine that there would be someone who would know him, truly know him, and having known him... Kain closed his eyes. It was better not to finish the thought.

He set his teeth, releasing the Warrior of Light's arm. Despite everything, he could not bring himself to believe that the Warrior of Light regretted what had passed between them. Anger and frustration welled up inside him.

"Very well," said Kain, "by all means, take your leave." He paused, his lip curling. "Though I must say you had time enough before for leaving your goddess to die. What could have changed so much since I left?"

The Warrior swung back around, his face contorting with anger. "What did you say?"

"I think you heard me," Kain sneered, knowing as even as he said it the untruth of his words, but unable to stop himself, "or could it be that she simply wants you all to herself -"

On seeing the stricken look on the Warrior's face, Kain had a moment of spiteful triumph in thinking that he had actually succeeded in wringing a real, human emotion out of him, before the Warrior of Light's fist slammed squarely into his jaw.

Kain staggered back. "How dare you -" he began, before the Warrior's armoured knee crashed into his thigh, bringing him down on one knee.

"You have no idea what I have had to harden myself to," he said quietly, standing over Kain. "Do you think that this has been easy for me?"

"You tell me," Kain said, kneeling where he had fallen; in truth, some small part of him admitted, he _did_ think that it was easy for the Warrior, to slide behind that iron mask of total control whenever he encountered something even mildly confronting, to take refuge from confusion and doubt by simply shutting himself off from his thoughts. Kain had always been unsure whether to envy or pity him.

The Warrior did not answer him. He could not look Kain in the face - instead, he turned away, making as if to leave. Anger ripped through Kain - so he _did_ regret it, Kain knew now. The Warrior had decided he was not capable of bringing Kain to any light; the only possibility was that of Kain dragging him down to his own level, of making him unworthy to protect his precious goddess.

In a blind rage, Kain struck out with his leg - partially to prevent the Warrior of Light from leaving, and partially because he had never yet allowed any man to strike him and leave unwounded. He wanted answers from the Warrior, not half-finished sentences and silences that could mean anything. _If he regrets it, let him tell me so himself,_ Kain thought viciously as he swept the Warrior's feet out from under him, his body falling heavily to the ground.

The Warrior was faster than Kain and almost immediately back on his feet, but Kain had a good three inches of height and a significant amount of muscle bulk over him, and while the Warrior was still mildly off-balance he pushed him backwards, the metal of his armour clanging as he hit the stone wall behind him.

Kain followed after him, trapping him between the wall and his body, their armoured chests hitting against one another. Kain's muscles ached from fighting and walking and his bruised body protested such rough treatment, but he was running on adrenaline and anger now, hardly even feeling it when the Warrior of Light struck him across the shoulder, trying to push him off.

Kain caught his hand, pushing it back against the wall and trapping it above his head. "You've never minded this before," he sneered, his breath in the Warrior's face. "If you feel I've tainted you with my impurity, then you must allow me to apologise." For a moment, Kain saw the Warrior's eyebrows draw together, and a look almost of bewilderment cross his face. Then the shutters were once again drawn, and his face snapped into the look of cold detachment he had worn since before Kain's departure. He said nothing. "If you wish it, I shall apologise this minute. You have only to tell me you regret what we’ve done," Kain said.

"Kain." The Warrior's voice held a cold note of warning; Kain knew that he had not yet begun to fight against his attempt to pin him to the wall, and that this was possibly his last chance to back out of the situation without risking a serious injury. But his stubbornness and pride would not allow it.

"Tell me," Kain said, his voice harsh even to his own ears.

Kain felt the Warrior's muscles tense for a moment, and he steeled himself for an attack - but then all the heat and tension seemed to drain out of the Warrior of Light's body, and he dropped his head to the side, unable to look Kain in the eye. "This war is ending, one way or another," he eventually said. "When it is done... I have failed. Cosmos is weakening. You don't understand at all - all of you, every one, has memories of loved ones, of the places you've left behind. You know who you are, and where you'll go back to. But I - I cannot allow myself -" The Warrior stopped himself, blinking rapidly. Kain almost loosened his grip around his wrist, but remained wary, even through his shock at this sudden turn around. The Warrior suddenly raised his head to look at Kain. "Without Cosmos, I have nothing. When this is finished, you will go back to your Cecil and your Rosa, but I -"

He stopped again, his voice hoarse.

Kain leaned back, momentarily numbed from the shock of the Warrior's words. An unnameable feeling lanced through him, tightening his throat and making his breath painful in his chest. For a moment, his lip twitched and drew back, baring his teeth. A rebuke was on the tip of his tongue, but then he saw the Warrior of Light's Adam's apple dip as he swallowed, saw the muscles in his jaw bunch as if he wanted to swallow his words back from the air, and the words died on his lips.

"You're a fool," he muttered instead, dipping his head.

The Warrior tensed against him as his lips pressed against his mouth; for a moment, his lips remained shut, and Kain could almost have sworn they clamped more tightly together. But then Kain felt all the resistance go out of him and he opened his mouth, hot and slick and soft around Kain's tongue.

Kain never failed to be mildly surprised at how even just this always sent fire down through his veins, running through his whole body and hitting him squarely in the groin. He supposed that he had been in love with Rosa - and, he had later admitted to himself, with Cecil - for as long as he could remember, and all of his encounters with women in Baron had meant little to nothing to him, imagining, as he always was, that he was somewhere else, with someone else. His body had jumped at their touch, but his heart had always been shielded - but now...

Opening his mouth wider, Kain pushed the thought away - he did not want to think about what these things meant, not now. There would be time later to sort out the muddle in his heart and in his mind - for now, he wanted only to put things right between himself and the Warrior, in the only way, between the Warrior's stiff, awkward silences and Kain's many protective walls, that they had ever been able to clearly communicate with each other.

Kain's hand slid around the back of the Warrior's neck, drawing him in closer, the rough pad of his thumb stroking the skin behind his ear. They had done this enough times now that Kain knew the Warrior of Light's body, knew the small touches it responded to; he was rewarded now as the Warrior let out a groan that seemed to start from his toes and drag its way up to the back of his throat. Kain had always been mildly amused by what such a tiny action on his part could do to the Warrior of Light, and he smiled slightly as he felt the Warrior virtually writhe against him, pressed as he was between Kain's body and the stone wall behind him.

Kain may not have understood the Warrior's reasoning for closing himself off, for retreating from whatever he and Kain had made for each other in this godforsaken place, but he understood this - he understood the Warrior of Light's hands pulling at the straps and buckles of his cuirass and pushing it off his body; the way the Warrior's breath seemed almost to push itself out of his body, mingling with Kain's own where their faces dipped close together.

Kain fumbled with the Warrior's tasset, his fingers shaking still even after all this time, letting it drop to the floor. The calloused tips of his fingers scraped over the Warrior's hipbones, tracing the thick valleys of his muscles, and making him arch his back towards him. Kain's hand dipped lower, tracing the hardness at the Warrior's groin, mirrored by his own.

The Warrior sucked in a breath through clenched teeth as Kain wrapped his hand around him, his still-armoured back screeching against the wall as Kain thrust forward, his head falling back so that the muscles in his neck, corded with tension, stood out against his skin.

Kain could never look at him for long in these moments; he felt as if someone had set his blood on fire, that the knotted rope of arousal that threaded through him would snap him in half if he looked for too long. Instead, he dropped his head, concentrated on the movement of his hand, listening as his own blood grew to a dull roar in his ears. His fingers found their way to the Warrior's mouth and he dipped them inside, murmuring incoherent lust as he felt the Warrior's tongue swirl against them, drawing them deeper.

Only when the throbbing ache between his legs grew painful did he withdraw his fingers, turning the Warrior almost roughly to face the wall. His fingers, wet from the Warrior's mouth, went to his own cock, collecting the pre-come that had gathered at the head. He glanced up quickly - the Warrior had braced himself on his elbows against the wall and had turned his head to look at Kain, the blue of his eye and his flushed cheek just visible over the whiteness of his hair flowing over his shoulder.

Kain moved his fingers against him and the Warrior of Light dropped his head, gasping lightly; Kain almost wanted to hold back, to ask him if this was what he truly wanted, or if he would immediately regret it the moment they had finished, ashamed of himself for having given in, yet again, to Kain's insistent desire. Half of him did not want to know the answer; the other half argued that the Warrior was at least as complicit as he in all of this, that he could have stopped Kain at any point, and yet had chosen to continue. Still, though, he hesitated, and it was only when the Warrior of Light pushed himself back along his fingers, moving them within himself, that he was spurred to further movement.

Pressing his chest along the Warrior's armoured back, he eased himself in, the overwhelming feeling of tightness and heat immediately enveloping his senses, casting every other thought from his mind. Every time it was like this - every time Kain had felt as though the fluttering, living heat of the Warrior around him was chipping away at his sanity, leaving nothing in its place but the need to move, thrust forward and bury himself within it as deep as he could go. He could not think, could not remember the hurt and anger of just a few minutes prior - nothing mattered but how they fit together, melding as if they had never been apart.

Kain's fingers dug into the Warrior's sides, hard enough to leave red welts on his skin as the snap of his hips grew stronger. As if from some distance away, he watched as the spiked bracers on the Warrior's arms left pale scratches in the stone of the wall with every thrust, the Warrior's fingers digging into the wall as if trying to do the same. Kain closed his eyes and threw his head back, wanting only to feel as he dragged himself in and out of the Warrior's body, his nerves crying out from the overload of sensation, begging him to both stop and to keep going.

His arm wound around the Warrior's body, pulling him back even further against him and finding his cock with his hand. The Warrior let out a low whine as Kain wrapped his fingers around it, hot and hard, and he worked his fist over it roughly, his thumb running over the head. The Warrior's neck snapped back, his mouth open, breath pouring from him, his cheek almost touching Kain's forehead where it leaned against his shoulder. Kain could feel his muscles contracting, seemingly everything in his body leaning towards his release - and then Kain slowed the movement of his hand, bringing him back down.

"Kain -" he stuttered, his eyes still shut, and Kain smiled into his back, laughing lowly, before curling his body into the Warrior's again, his fist tightening around him.

"I wanted to see if you remembered who I am," he said, allowing a tiny shard of spite into his heart, even as he felt his own climax gathering within him.

"Always." Kain's breath hitched at the word, whispered though it had been - for a moment, he was sure that he had misheard. Then he felt the Warrior's walls contract around him, strongly, hotly, and felt the sudden warmth of his come over his hand. "Always," he repeated, half cried out, and half swallowed as if he had tried to stop himself from saying it.

Kain felt his release bear down on him not a moment afterwards, coming so hard he was left breathless and winded, his knees folding under him, bringing the Warrior down with him as he collapsed to the floor. Kain's nerves felt as ragged as his breath, heaving out of him - he felt that he would never be able to take in enough oxygen to replenish his muscles. He lay as if boneless, crumpled over the Warrior of Light's body, his mind a blank, his blood roaring in his ears.

When he eventually opened his eyes, he saw soft moonlight filtering in from the window opposite, casting the room in dull silver and grey. Next to him, the Warrior of Light seemed to have fallen into untroubled sleep, the furrowed line that so often appeared between his eyebrows at last smooth.

Unable to stop himself, Kain reached out and brushed the hair back from the Warrior's forehead, before curling onto his side, his arm across the Warrior's waist, at last giving in to sleep.


End file.
